True Stories
The cat is possessed again. I am on the verge of calling a preast, arm myself with the bible for a shield and chant in a threatening way in Latin. Carry smoldering incense into each and every corner and watch the beast squirm and howl louder than before. Then be a proud owner of the ideal cat in duplicate; cats who wee inside their box, stay outside for longer than 2 minutes at a time, eat their food off a plate instead off the floor, and dont scratch and spread kitty litter enough to cover the entire floorspace of a medium sized family home. Cats who wont scream like banshees from hell in the middle of the night and who wont scratch the furniture to sawdust.
A true story.
Takes place in a kitchen in another home in the country, a home where cats also take residence.
Cousin just out of her teens: "Yuck, eugh, it smells of cat piss in here".
The lady of the house visiting:"Really? I cant smell a thing".
Cousin:"Yup. Yuck. Massive stench. Cant you smell it???".
Lady of the house:"Erm...nooo...Really?
Cousin: "Yeah. Its totally yuck. It also reeks in the hall, kind of wets your eyes in a way".
Lady:" You sure your cats didnt just piss on something out there. Mine sometimes do.(transl.: sometimes=always)".
Cousin just out of her teens exits kitchen to sniff around the hallway. The visiting Lady of the house sniffles weakly, totally blocked up from a severe headcold, stares at the clock on the wall and imagines the scent of freshly baked cinnamon rolls.
Cousin enters right:"Hey...whoaaah! Your boots have the stink of death. Totally horrible".
Lady of the house:"Wah....? Really? I cant smell a thing. Are you sure? How about in here?".
Cousin approaches with nostrils flared like a water buffalo in heat, sniffing while the visiting lady of the house blows her nose on some kitchen roll and trying her best to catch the tiniest whiff of that supposed horrible aroma. The sense of smell fails miserably. The cousin looks at the rednosed lady, straight in the eyes and lo, if there wasnt a tiny glint of horror in her stare.
Cousin:"Look. You have to take those socks off. They stink to the heavens. This is disgusting".
The lady of the house in a right old mess. Had been teaching classes all day wearing the socks the cats pissed on.
And no one said a thing.
A true story.
Takes place in a kitchen in another home in the country, a home where cats also take residence.
Cousin just out of her teens: "Yuck, eugh, it smells of cat piss in here".
The lady of the house visiting:"Really? I cant smell a thing".
Cousin:"Yup. Yuck. Massive stench. Cant you smell it???".
Lady of the house:"Erm...nooo...Really?
Cousin: "Yeah. Its totally yuck. It also reeks in the hall, kind of wets your eyes in a way".
Lady:" You sure your cats didnt just piss on something out there. Mine sometimes do.(transl.: sometimes=always)".
Cousin just out of her teens exits kitchen to sniff around the hallway. The visiting Lady of the house sniffles weakly, totally blocked up from a severe headcold, stares at the clock on the wall and imagines the scent of freshly baked cinnamon rolls.
Cousin enters right:"Hey...whoaaah! Your boots have the stink of death. Totally horrible".
Lady of the house:"Wah....? Really? I cant smell a thing. Are you sure? How about in here?".
Cousin approaches with nostrils flared like a water buffalo in heat, sniffing while the visiting lady of the house blows her nose on some kitchen roll and trying her best to catch the tiniest whiff of that supposed horrible aroma. The sense of smell fails miserably. The cousin looks at the rednosed lady, straight in the eyes and lo, if there wasnt a tiny glint of horror in her stare.
Cousin:"Look. You have to take those socks off. They stink to the heavens. This is disgusting".
The lady of the house in a right old mess. Had been teaching classes all day wearing the socks the cats pissed on.
And no one said a thing.
posted by Helga at 8:41 PM
2 Comments:
My goodness!! That has one got to be one of the funniest stories I have heard in a long time. I've just snorted my orange juice out through my nose as a result!! Not only do you take FANTASTIC pictures, you can tell a great story too!
It is funny for me now. But, believe me, I was mortified for a day or two.
Thanks for popping by :)
Post a Comment
<< Home